Just a random post to get my feelings out.

I broke up with my boyfriend at the start of August. It was one of the harder things I have ever done. I thought we would be together forever. When it comes to relationships, I've always taken them quite seriously. Above anything else, the person you are with should always be viewed as a human, a unique individual with thoughts, feelings, hopes, and needs... we are all vulnerable when we give ourselves to someone else. I never want anyone to get hurt; I guess that's inevitable when a serious relationship ends. Now we are both hurt. Since breaking up with him, the last few weeks have gone on as usual. Well, as usual as suddenly being single allows for.

If I'm honest, the last few weeks have down right sucked. The end of the relationship has played a big part in that. What doesn't help is that my leg hurts as much as it always has. I walk around the neighborhood once or make a short trip downtown to get some groceries, and I'm hurting for several days after. So I've been stuck at home, alone with all my thoughts and feelings, with limited distractions. One can only look at so many cute videos of elephants or read so many pages of a book per day.

What do you do when you can't get out much and your stuck with all those hurt feelings, all your thoughts of would haves and should haves? The feeling that your heart is breaking and you'll never be able to love someone or be loved again, even though you know deep down that you'll feel differently after everything has settled and you've returned to how it was before the relationship started, be it a little bit older,  a little bit wiser, and a little bit more in tune with what you want in a relationship and are willing to give?

For starters, I've binge-watched the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy at least four times since the break up, along with both seasons of Broadchurch available on Netflix. Next up? Detectorists, to make the history nerd in me happy. After that, who knows.

I've finished every cross stitch project I worked on while in the relationship, because they all remind me of him.

I fell in love with this heart!

First time mixing beads and cross stitching together. I have a similar pattern with an owl that I want to stitch later this year.

Now I'm busy on a new cross stitch project - a butterfly quilt that I'm going to sew together by hand. As if I can focus all my energy on that blanket so I don't have time or energy to think about him anymore. I've already gotten  three of the twelve squares done (thirty-eight hours of cross stitching).

I've also been redirecting my room a bit. I've taken anything he's ever given me out of my room, in a  half hearted attempt to forget him.

New fairy lights!

Finally hung on the wall. It only took a year to get it up there XD

Tomorrow morning I start my new job. I'm now a registered practical nurse on an oncology/palliative care unit in a hospital. God it feels good to say those words after everything I have been through. My leg might not be fixed yet, and the shifts will be painful, but I made it through school despite everything (even having to re-learn how to walk) and, for the most part, ended up where I wanted to be. Hopefully I'll be so busy with work that I won't have time to think about anything else. Maybe the long hours will drown out the memories of him.

My twenty-fifth birthday is on Wednesday! I have to work all day, but I'm going to try to do something fun in the evening.

And then I have an appointment with my orthopedic surgeon on Friday morning. I wish these appointments got easier, but they never do. I'm hoping that new x-rays show lots of healing and improvement, but the pain I have been having leaves me believing that my leg is as broken as ever. Fingers cross that my surgeon has a good solution in mind!

I really hope that everything with my leg works out. I can't revert to being single and get bad medical news all in one month. Binge watching LOTR can only get a girl so far! I also have really big plans for when my leg is finally better. Plans that include moving to another city - I'm thinking maybe London or Waterloo. For once, things really need to go right! I can't be the girl with the messed up leg forever.