I haven't posted an update in a really long time. That really goes without saying but typing out that sentence provides an easy way to start writing this without having to figure out something witty or insightful to say. I don't think there is one single reason I stopped posting. Instead, I have been busy with many different things - thoracic surgery early on in 2019 plus the ensuing recovery; moving four times within the span of approximately twenty months; post-graduate studies; returning to working as a nurse during a pandemic after a prolonged medical leave; exploring different parts of the province; taking advantage of the online course offerings during the pandemic by taking extra university courses; enjoying several of my hobbies, including reading, gardening, and crocheting. I think I just really wanted to focus on living and being present in the moment and, as a result, blogging got placed on the back-burner. I have tried blogging sporadically over the past three and a half year. Sometimes I just stared at a blank screen. Occasionally I erased a couple lines of text. Once in a while I even had nearly completed posts saved as drafts, ready for a final edit. But updating just didn't feel right.
I'm at a point now where things in my life are more settled and certain. I feel like I've really gotten this adulthood thing down and have balance in my life. The pandemic has also given me a much-needed break from dealing with the fiasco that remains my right leg. I hadn't realized how much of my life revolved around trying to fix my leg until the pandemic put a halt to doctor's appointments and planned procedures. Looking back, the break from it all has been more than welcome and, now that I've started seeing doctors/surgeons again, I feel recharged and in a better frame of mind to work on fixing me leg once more. Although I'm not sure that 'fixing' is the right word. We (my doctors and I) know that my leg will never be what it used to be. I'll always have some form of pain and have to remember to pace myself, but we are aiming for less pain and discomfort than I have at present. It seems fitting to resume blogging as this process picks back up again. If anything, these posts will continue to exemplify the impact of what happens when everything goes wrong in the wake of broken leg and chronic bone infection.
This post will remain brief - I'm writing this before I head out for work. I do plan on working on a proper update this weekend. For now, I'll just say that my leg/foot is still crooked and that I now definitively know that I have issues with at least three of the nerves in my right leg (the superficial and deep peroneal nerves and the sural nerve). There has also been some talk about damage or irritation to a nerve that runs behind my knee. My surgeons (there are two of them now) and I have discussed several options for trying to alleviate symptoms - first minimally invasive and, if that does now work, invasive. It feels good to have back up plan if things don't work out with the minimally invasive approach (given my history, everything that could go wrong has, so it is comforting to know we have a plan for all scenarios). I cannot emphasize how reassuring and comforting it feels to have a plan again. As the issues with my nerves increase, I'm experiencing more pain/discomfort and seeing an increase in the limitations caused by my leg. Perhaps I would be willing to leave things as is if I were twenty or thirty years older. As it stands, I am only twenty-nine. My orthopaedic surgeon and I agree that I still have too many years ahead of me to simply accept the pain and limitations my legs causes. For instance, I have moved to a breathtakingly beautiful part of northern Ontario. I want to enjoy living here to the fullest and that means being able to go on hikes - something I am unable to do at present. There was a point around 2018/2019 when I was adamant I would never have anymore procedures or surgeries on my leg. After several years to mull things over (and experience the issues with my leg increase), I feel like I am missing out on too many aspects of life and am willing to go through more medical treatments to obtain those things. I have to believe that those things are in my grasp.
I will leave it at that for today. Here I am, wishing everyone a beautiful Thursday from northern Ontario!
No comments:
Post a Comment