A month!

I haven't posted anything in about two weeks. I think I needed a break from blogging - both from actually taping away at my keyboard like a drunken wayward chicken and from the primary topic of discussion (that, of course, being my external fixator). Somestimes this whole process gets a bit to tiring and overwhelming. It can be good to take a step back and cacoon yourself with everything and anything good and fluffy and comforting but the very challenge you are facing, kind of like building a little nest around yourself to protect you from painful or traumatizing things. I'm not saying that we shouldn't face our problems or things that are difficult (although very much worth doing), because we should, but sometimes difficult things can get a little bit much and it can be handy to take a step back, let our thoughts wander, and reapproach the situation with a fresh mind set later on.

So that is what I did. I built a nest made of many things: cups of tea, a mountain of cross stitching patterns and endless skeins of embroidery floss, books like the Lord of the Rings (because hobbits are the epitome of all things good), and fairy lights. I couldn't avoid my external fixator but at least I could be comfortable. And now I am feeling a lot better. My patience is growing rather thin; I feel like I am standing on tip toes, ready to spring into the air at any moment, to dance through the fresh rolling fields around the city with the spring sun on my face, blossoms in my hair and bare feet in the freshly mown grass even though I can't walk (my heart yearns for something I can not... am not able to do); and I ave taken to hoping around the house on one foot because I loathe even the sight of my crutches (loathe being much better than that horrible four letter word hate... nobody likes four letter words anyways. Six letter ones make you sound smart). But I do feel better. And better is good, becuase I still have four weeks to go before my external fixator comes off.

Oh, but you've been saying that it's coming off soon for months!
Why yes, yes I have.
Then how sure are you that it's actually coming off this time?
Because I actually have a date! And even if I didn't, half a year is far too long, much longer at ay rate than the three months (four maximum) that I originially expected to have the fixator for, so it would make sense that the big blue shiny thing would be coming off at some point soon. And anyways, when soon really only matters in relation to other dates. It's all relative you know!

Seriously though, the fixator is coming off soon. Not very soon, but soon enough. And I can actually say that because I actually do have a date - June 14th. That's exactly four weeks from now! This makes me very happy. More than happy. I don't think there is a word for how I am feeling. The months with the fixator have been drawn out longer than I ever would have imagined. My bones ache to walk again. Both my feet need to touch the ground again; I need to feel the rhythm of my feet on the ground as I walk. What I really need at this moment is to reap the reward of my patience and hardwork. I've been sitting at home on the sofa for far too long (almost nine months now), lonely, isolates, tired, in pain, much less independent than I ought to have been if I were a healthy, normal twenty-three year old. I need to re-enter the life of the living; I need to be re-tuned so I can keep up with the best of them and do all the things in life I dreamed of. I want the rest of my life to be a beautiful flowing waltz.