Getting close now

Not much longer until surgery now. Less than a day and a half. I can feel the butterflies multiply in my stomach, fluttering around sporadically. I don't know if it is normal to be this nervous or not, given everything I have been through with the infection. More is riding on this than on any of the previous surgeries. I talked about this a bit with my mum this evening. She added that whole "won't have a chunk of your tibia for three months" thing. I try not to think about that... I find it unsettling and quite scary. Before this, I was living on my own, more independent than ever, thoroughly enjoying the nursing program at school, just waiting for bigger better things in life. Eight months and I would have graduated, been preparing to write my certification exam, possibly getting a job offer from my clinical consolidation placement. Now I am home waiting for surgery with a some what vague idea of what the next half year will bring. As if I only have half the pieces for a puzzle.

A friend of my mum invited us over for a bonfire tonight to help distract me. It was incredibly kind of her! The sunset was gorgeous.

Here are some of the pictures I took at the zoo yesterday. As mentioned in the previous post, I didn't take very many.

Breakfast at a local cafe. A meal like this is a big treat; can't believe there are people who have this every morning for breakfast. Think of the cholesterol!

At the orangutans. IV bag in tow... It went better than I expected with the IV. There were only a few instances where a child got to close for comfort.

The two orangutans on display yesterday.

They were holding hands (or feet) for a while, swinging them back an fourth like a couple holding hands while taking a walk. I have a video of it, but can't figure out how to flip video right way up.

One of the two pandas eating bamboo. This was exciting. Last year my family and I stopped at the panda exhibit twice, once when we arrived at the zoo and again as we made our way to the exit at the end of the day. Neither time were either of the pandas doing anything.

Yesterday morning they were napping. But in the evening the one had just been fed =) 

That is it for now. Just trying to keep busy. Made the final PICC line cover today and binge watched some more walking dead. Dentist tomorrow, then perhaps watch the Hobbit or some Lord of the Rings, or go to the book store. Anything to keep distracted.

Twenty three on the twenty third

I celebrated my 23rd birthday today with my mum and brother. They treated me to a wonderful day out: Breakfast at a local cafe early this morning (I didn't think I could eat so much toast, sausage, and egg!), followed by a day long trip to the Toronto Zoo, and concluded with some very lovely gifts. I am one very fortunate and well loved girl!

Not many pictures taken today. We spend way too much time with our noses pressed up against a screen. Today was all about enjoying the moment and getting the most out of the zoo. I will post the few pictures I have tomorrow; most are of my family and I.

Today was a day I have needed for a while. It was a long time coming. Surgery did cross my mind throughout the day. There would probably be something wrong if it didn't especially seeing as it is this week. But I didn't talk about it. I made a point not to mention it, and that felt wonderful! Surgery wasn't the thing going on today. I had other plans which included my family, celebrating, and seeing a ton of animals, and having fun, feeling completely happy and relaxed. I think I have been grinning since the moment I woke up this morning. So I put the thoughts of surgery aside, didn't mention them, and just enjoyed the moment. I feel content and peaceful, refreshed. I feel like I remember what it feels like to be healthy and young and normal, doing the regular things my friends are able to do. I can get through the next two days until surgery: Dropping off the keys to my old place tomorrow and going to a bonfire in the evening, going to the dentist Tuesday morning (nothing like that clean teeth feeling), and then just relaxing the rest of the day, enjoying some puzzles or a book. Wednesday will be here before I know it. Despite all my fear and apprehension, today gave me a glimpse of what I want to get back to, and has encouraged me to continue fighting the infection and, more importantly, believing that I can beat it. This is something I have been missing over the last weeks.

Last year, I turned 22 (obviously, captain obvious). About 6 weeks later I told my mum that I thought my bone infection was back. Chronic osteomyelitis has played a continuously bigger role in my life since then and is one of, if not the single most significant thing that happened to me in the past year that sticks out to me as a reflect on everything that has happened, from moving out, to starting nursing school, and gaining more independence. It has governed over everything I have done, from attending clinical placements, completing school works, energy levels, and sense of well being. Medically speaking, the following year won't be fun. Two big surgeries, lots of pain and many new scars, more oral and IV antibiotics, uncertainty, scans and doctors appointments. The list could go on. It can't be classified as fun by any standard. But I will get through it, and in the present I can make today o.k., if not the future. If I wish anything for my birthday today, I hope for my health back; that the infection can go away for good. I hope to be infection free this time next year, celebrating both my 24th birthday and a year of good health to come!

I am going to call it a night now. I am exhausted, but in a good way. The zoo and the time spent with my family were completely worth it. This was the last big thing before surgery, and it was so positive and encouraging. I will go to bed feeling content and very very very much loved.