Brave? Not so much.

Brave - "To face or endure with courage." Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary.

My mother tells me that I am brave. I do not believe her. I am not brave; I do not face the world with courage. I wake up every morning and get on with my life. I take the bus, I go to school, I borrow library books, and I listen to CBC radio one. I do what I do because I have to, and nothing more. No. I do not do courage because I am just like you. I am a person and I have a life, a need to eat, sleep, breath; hopes, dreams, longings, and fears. I am normal. But, I am ill, and you are not. That does not make me courageous. Being ill does not make a person brave, it does not magically give them compassion and understanding. Those traits were already there, within me, but I was never brave. What is it that has changed in me that would make me courageous? Surely it is not the dead bone in my leg...? the abscess? the puss pockets? the pain?

I keep living. Life goes on despite one's trepidations. I have to keep up; you cannot fall behind. The slow an steady turtle never really wins. The pain will continue, the puss will break through the skin, the dead bone will not dissolve. Fact - without treatment, osteomyelitis can be fatal. I do not get to choose what I want for my body. Even though I will endure treatment, I do not do so willingly. The fact of the matter is that it needs to be done. How is that courage when I have no choice? How can I be courageous when I am afraid? I do not know... but I like my definition of brave better.

Brave - accepting that you are afraid and still completing the task at hand, even without courage. Doing something because it is required of you, even if you cry through the entire ordeal. Not facing something, but merely going through life, continuing to be, just like healthy people. Otherwise, anyone who is ill is automatically brave and courageous... I do not believe that.

Life must go on. Nothing more.