Here we go.

Time to leave for surgery. Regardless of what happens with the infection, we will make it ok. I can still be happy and joyful and that an only be a good thing.

Tomorrow

The day is done; it is time for bed. No more waiting. I cleaned and vacuumed my room, did all my laundry, showered and packed, and had a last snack before midnight. Nothing left between now an surgery. At 4 I will get up to go to the hospital and before I know it, it will be over and I will be waking up in the recovery unit.

I went to the dentist this morning; nothing like that dentist clean feel when you run your tongue over your teeth. No cavities this time, which is great, and still no issues with my wisdom teeth. Then to the bookstore. I found another cross stitch magazine with another cross stitch kit. Looks like a get well card to me. Perfect timing! Also another magazine. Addicted much XD This one is like a ray of sunshine, pretty and innocent and only good things to look at.

Owl sticky notes I found at the Dollarama.

And fancy duct tape! Will need it to shower with a garbage bag over my leg after surgery so the incision and cast do not get wet. Looks a lot nicer than the grey stuff... makes an unfortunate situation a tiny bit better.

And this is Staph. Staphylococcus aureus. The bookstore on campus sells a large variety of them: black death, tape worms, ulcers, cancer, etc. Seeing as we think I have Staph. aureus and negative coagulase staph., this one seemed appropriate. I should really have made him a little white flag to surrender with...

That's it really. Just like the last surgery way back when in 2012, I can feel myself blabbering away nervously. On top of that, the more nervous I get the more easily I react to everything... not exactly friendly all the time anymore. My family is awesome for putting up with me. Time for bed now. Wish me luck! Heck, even tell me to "break a leg!" That is literally what will be happening tomorrow.

Something I have been saving

Last year, around Christmas time, a Lego catalog was delivered to my house. I have a firm belief that you are never to old for Lego. It is, in many ways, the perfect toy. From following an instruction booklet to creating realistic miniatures or simply letting your imagination run wild, you can do pretty much anything with it.

Anyways, last December I got a Lego Catalog. There was one section displaying items that would be released in the new year. I mentioned one of those item, which creates three different birds (blue jay, robin, and hummingbird) here. I was going to buy it after finishing first semester, but than decided it would be a better treat to celebrate the midway point of my nursing education. And then when I finally got it, I thought "Hmmm, I have been so patient, why not wait a little bit longer?" So I did. Until today, when I really really really needed some distraction. I have been up since seven. Every time I look at the clock in my room I think "Really? Really!?!? How is it still so early...?" I needed something to keep me occupied for a bit, besides watching daytime tv which, BTW, I can't stand.  Something fun and special. Lego!

About to open the box.

 All the pieces.

The instruction booklets are beautiful! There is one booklet for each bird. Each booklet has the same story about the man who designed these Lego birds, and information specific to one of the birds.

 The hummingbird.

 Blue jay.

 And Robin!

I put them on display in my bookcase, along with all the Birthday cards and get well cards I have received. I have a great view of the shelf from my bed.

The birds were a lot of fun to put together. Each one used different types of techniques and bricks. I find it fascinating to see how something like this is built up from loose bricks and to slowly see it taking shape as you go. I definitely recommend to it any bird lovers out there. And the price ($59.99 Canadian + tax) is good. 580 pieces, about 35 minutes to build each bird, although the hummingbird was faster, and a pleasure to look at. Here is the link for the set on the Lego website.

This kit was definitely a fun distraction while waiting for tomorrow's surgery. Was even thinking about taking them apart and building them again.

Getting close now

Not much longer until surgery now. Less than a day and a half. I can feel the butterflies multiply in my stomach, fluttering around sporadically. I don't know if it is normal to be this nervous or not, given everything I have been through with the infection. More is riding on this than on any of the previous surgeries. I talked about this a bit with my mum this evening. She added that whole "won't have a chunk of your tibia for three months" thing. I try not to think about that... I find it unsettling and quite scary. Before this, I was living on my own, more independent than ever, thoroughly enjoying the nursing program at school, just waiting for bigger better things in life. Eight months and I would have graduated, been preparing to write my certification exam, possibly getting a job offer from my clinical consolidation placement. Now I am home waiting for surgery with a some what vague idea of what the next half year will bring. As if I only have half the pieces for a puzzle.

A friend of my mum invited us over for a bonfire tonight to help distract me. It was incredibly kind of her! The sunset was gorgeous.

Here are some of the pictures I took at the zoo yesterday. As mentioned in the previous post, I didn't take very many.

Breakfast at a local cafe. A meal like this is a big treat; can't believe there are people who have this every morning for breakfast. Think of the cholesterol!

At the orangutans. IV bag in tow... It went better than I expected with the IV. There were only a few instances where a child got to close for comfort.

The two orangutans on display yesterday.

They were holding hands (or feet) for a while, swinging them back an fourth like a couple holding hands while taking a walk. I have a video of it, but can't figure out how to flip video right way up.

One of the two pandas eating bamboo. This was exciting. Last year my family and I stopped at the panda exhibit twice, once when we arrived at the zoo and again as we made our way to the exit at the end of the day. Neither time were either of the pandas doing anything.

Yesterday morning they were napping. But in the evening the one had just been fed =) 

That is it for now. Just trying to keep busy. Made the final PICC line cover today and binge watched some more walking dead. Dentist tomorrow, then perhaps watch the Hobbit or some Lord of the Rings, or go to the book store. Anything to keep distracted.

Twenty three on the twenty third

I celebrated my 23rd birthday today with my mum and brother. They treated me to a wonderful day out: Breakfast at a local cafe early this morning (I didn't think I could eat so much toast, sausage, and egg!), followed by a day long trip to the Toronto Zoo, and concluded with some very lovely gifts. I am one very fortunate and well loved girl!

Not many pictures taken today. We spend way too much time with our noses pressed up against a screen. Today was all about enjoying the moment and getting the most out of the zoo. I will post the few pictures I have tomorrow; most are of my family and I.

Today was a day I have needed for a while. It was a long time coming. Surgery did cross my mind throughout the day. There would probably be something wrong if it didn't especially seeing as it is this week. But I didn't talk about it. I made a point not to mention it, and that felt wonderful! Surgery wasn't the thing going on today. I had other plans which included my family, celebrating, and seeing a ton of animals, and having fun, feeling completely happy and relaxed. I think I have been grinning since the moment I woke up this morning. So I put the thoughts of surgery aside, didn't mention them, and just enjoyed the moment. I feel content and peaceful, refreshed. I feel like I remember what it feels like to be healthy and young and normal, doing the regular things my friends are able to do. I can get through the next two days until surgery: Dropping off the keys to my old place tomorrow and going to a bonfire in the evening, going to the dentist Tuesday morning (nothing like that clean teeth feeling), and then just relaxing the rest of the day, enjoying some puzzles or a book. Wednesday will be here before I know it. Despite all my fear and apprehension, today gave me a glimpse of what I want to get back to, and has encouraged me to continue fighting the infection and, more importantly, believing that I can beat it. This is something I have been missing over the last weeks.

Last year, I turned 22 (obviously, captain obvious). About 6 weeks later I told my mum that I thought my bone infection was back. Chronic osteomyelitis has played a continuously bigger role in my life since then and is one of, if not the single most significant thing that happened to me in the past year that sticks out to me as a reflect on everything that has happened, from moving out, to starting nursing school, and gaining more independence. It has governed over everything I have done, from attending clinical placements, completing school works, energy levels, and sense of well being. Medically speaking, the following year won't be fun. Two big surgeries, lots of pain and many new scars, more oral and IV antibiotics, uncertainty, scans and doctors appointments. The list could go on. It can't be classified as fun by any standard. But I will get through it, and in the present I can make today o.k., if not the future. If I wish anything for my birthday today, I hope for my health back; that the infection can go away for good. I hope to be infection free this time next year, celebrating both my 24th birthday and a year of good health to come!

I am going to call it a night now. I am exhausted, but in a good way. The zoo and the time spent with my family were completely worth it. This was the last big thing before surgery, and it was so positive and encouraging. I will go to bed feeling content and very very very much loved.

Mepilex

Here is a picture of my mepilex dressing. Much more comfortable than the gauze pads secured to my arm with a roll of gauze - the entire thing would slowly slip down my arm over the course of the day until the insertion site was almost uncovered. While I still do itch, it is much better than before, and my skin looks a lot less irritated. The site under the PICC is slowly drying and scabbing, which is wonderful. Infectious disease suggested trying to get a thin strip of gauze under the PICC if possible. I did manage this yesterday. It really helps minimize skin irritation, which is really really necessary for the skin to heal. The gauze, however, seems to get stuck to both the skin and the PICC line since the skin is still draining a bit. Had to work pretty hard to get it off tonight. Might wait a few more days to try that again just because it is tricky to pull the gauze off the PICC when you are trying not to pull the PICC and stitches out of your arm.

Overall, a great big improvement over anything we have tried up until now. And most importantly, I won't spend my birthday itching like crazy!

I didn't want to get all of my in the picture, but I couldn't get a good shot of the dressing itself, and then I tried cropping the whole image to just my arm which ended up making that a big skin coloured blurry image.

Keeping busy

I have been keeping myself busy over the past few days. Intent - to be productive. Yes. Productivity. That, and having fun and relaxing. Not distraction. Not at all. We'll go with fun and productivity because it makes me feel a little more normal and a little less sick and like I am waiting for scary surgery and lots of pain. This week I am nothing more than a college student enjoying her time off between final exams and the start of the next semester. Just like all of my classmates and friends, or the thousands of other students doing the exact same thing right now - enjoying the end of the summer, soaking up the sun and long evenings. But I am not, and I am lying to myself when I say that I am normal and relaxed and completely enjoying this well earned time off. The surgery is always there, at the back of my mind, drawing closer. I wish so much that I could just forget. For a day, even an hour. But the closer it gets, the more I think about it. A week or so ago I would joke about it with my mum, minimize what will happen. I haven't really been able to do that the last few days. Lots of nervous banter alternating with anxious silence.

Anyways, keeping myself busy and productive. Wednesday through Friday I made myself several new PICC line covers. I got some lovely fabric a week or so back and figured now is the perfect to make the covers. I have at least two more months of IV antibiotics, so I might as well add some variety to my wardrobe. I hand stitched everything. My sewing machine skills are not that great and there is something soothing about sewing by hand. Rhythmic, relaxing. And time consuming, which was a contributing factor to doing it by hand.

My bed throughout the past few days. A cozy comfy place to sew.

The five PICC line covers I made this week. Still need to be ironed. They turned out really well; I was a bit skeptical when I first started. I think they look fantastic. My mum keeps telling me I should sell them online XD

I worked off these PICC covers, which my mum made for me back in 2012 the last time I was on IV antibiotics. I made some alterations as I went since I have different dressings now, which are a bit bulkier and bigger in diameter.

When I finished with the new fabric I looked through my basket of sewing/embroidery supplies and found this fabric. I bought it in 2012 to make a PICC line cover but never got to it. But I still really like it, so will make another one next week on Monday or Tuesday.

Thursday morning at 9:00 am I saw infectious disease to discuss my PICC line issues. She said that it is not a full blown (systemic) allergy to the line, but a localized reaction to the hub (purple part for those who have seen pictures I posted before) that is contact with the skin. My doctor thinks that it started at a reaction to the statlock, tegarderm, tape, and chloraprep, which caused blisters, swelling, redness, and resulted in fluid leaking from the skin. The fluid got trapped under the PICC, preventing it from drying up and then healing, which then reacted to the skin. I am not entirely convinced, just because of the whole allergic to rubber boots which are also made of polyurethane thing, but at least we all agree that there is some sort of reaction between my skin and the part of the line located on the outside of my body. ID recommended using a Mepilex dressing instead of gauze pads and bandages (encircles whole arm, causes all the skin to dry and flake off... my arm is now as smooth as a baby's bottom!). The Mepilex is a god send! Still some itching, but much less than before. And the parts that have been draining seem to be drying and crusting. And I have been able to use q tips with sterile water to try to clean under the PICC. Still hurts quite a bit to do so, but it is now no longer embedded in/stuck to my skin!

Friday morning I went to clinic just to PICC up more supplies. Nurses were nice, but running low on everything. They only had one set of tubing for me, which I used this morning. So I have no tubing for when I return home after surgery. Will ask the hospital for some to tide me over until home care (pretty sure I am getting it) can meet with me and order more supplies.

I am drowning in medical supplies for the PICC line at home.
My mum found some stuff on Thursday from 2012 that we can still use, so that took over my nightstand.

And then I got more stuff on Friday from clinic: Mepilex, sterile water, saline syringes, gauze pads, sterile swab thingys, etc.

 

This is where I keep all my PICC supplies. Already pretty full before my mum found the older supplies and getting more at clinic. Took a while to sort through it all and organize it.

 Now all the drawers are completely full!

After clinic, mum and I went to the Book Depot.

Find of the day:

I am super excited about this! I love crafts, I enjoy birds. Combine the two, and I am happy as can be! The box was a bit damaged, so it was in the green sticker (clearance) section, where everything is really inexpensive (usually 1-3$), but the stuff inside is completely fine.

Also found puzzle books. Date is late 2014. I guess bookstores and magazine stands sell them on to other stores once they are out of date to make up for the loss. I don't mind at all. Green one was 4.99. and orange was 2.99. I love puzzles and already stocked up on some books for surgery. All PennyPress but obviously current issue. The current version of the green one was 10$, so 4.99 is a pretty good deal. Unlike newspapers, puzzles don't go out of date.

And another book to read. Wonderful to have time to read for fun rather than for school.
Best part was that I had a 10$ gift card, so I only paid about 8 bucks for the craft kit, two puzzles books, and the book below.

In the evening, on Friday, mum and I went to Happy Ralphs to look at the animals - there was a calf, and two baby donkeys. Then we drove past the canal, and went home to make s'mores.

Other good part of Friday - I found slippers! I have been looking for slippers for weeks. They are really hard to find in the summer months. Well, unless you want grandma slippers XD
I already have really nice slippers but they are big and bulky and shaped like hedgehogs. Can't really take those to the hospital. Also, slipping hazard once on crutches after surgery.

My birthday is on Sunday. About a week ago I found a lovely "free" gift that comes with a cross stitch magazine at Chapters. I saw it an instantly loved it and thought "I am going to stitch that for my Birthday". The design is by Margaret Sherry. I have stitched a bunch of stuff by her before and find her work whimsical. This one took about five hours to complete.

The kit, which included the pattern, card, envelope, Aida fabric, needle, and thread.

 

Finished stitching; taping the fabric to the card itself. You know you are sick too long when you figure out you can use medical paper tape to finish a craft project when you can't find the double sided crafting tape. It worked great, by the way!

 Finished product, now on display on my bookshelf:

 And the gifts my family placed in the living room this afternoon. Lovely to look at. Almost a shame to open everything because it looks so cheerful set up like this =) I am so happy that surgery is after my birthday. I just want one day. Just one where I feel normal and a little bit special for a good reason... not the bad kind of 'special' that comes with being sick, where people pity you and look at you with those sad "she is young and sick, thank god its not me" eyes.

One down side of the last few days is that the always being cold thing has come back. No explanation for it. I was having some pretty bad bone pain a few weeks ago, but hardly any in the last week. Only explanation is that the infection is doing something, just something different than what ever makes it cause bone pain. Fingers crossed that is goes away after surgery. My nose is so cold I can feel it, without touching it. I am sitting here, typing, and my face feels my cold nose. And the chills are there too. So over them.

I am going to the zoo tomorrow to celebrate my birthday. Just my mum, brother and I. I was very indecisive about whether I wanted to go or not. In the end, it comes down to a fear of being in a crowded busy area all day with a PICC line. I don't want to get it stuck somewhere, or have a kid bump into me and tug it by accident. My mum reassured me that it will be fine. I will try to wear a sweater over top of the line and leave as little sticking out between the blue IV bag and my sweater as possible. That set aside, I am thoroughly excited to go to the zoo! I hope to see the penguins being fed.

Grumpy day

Today was not a good day.
I cried, alot. And felt glum and generally sad.
Tired too.
Arm still itches like crazy. All the skin under the gauze is peeling. Area under the PICC itself is still draining and pretty much swimming in fluid... stings a lot. Did not get a call from infectious disease, but I assume that may still take a few more days since today was her first day back from vacation or something. Probably wading through a sea of emails and phone messages. And I wouldn't exactly be first on the list of priorities. But that doesn't stop my arm from itching and stinging and freaking leaking. If I don't get a message back soon, might as well just leave it alone until surgery next week Wednesday.

I did do one super fun thing today. I made a minion. I created Kevin!

My mum bought the kit at Michaels for me, and I paid her back for it. I was going to buy it in Hamilton, but I didn't have a 40% off coupon with me, but my mum had on =)

The minion is much bigger than I thought it would be. I love it. The only down side was I think the kit could have come with a bit more stuffing. Irregardless, money well spent XD

Now time for some Walking Dead and to finish reading s book (How to start your own religion: Form a church, gain followers, become tax-exempt, and sway the minds of millions in five easy steps). Good humor. Good distraction.

Minions!

My brother and I went to see the Minion movie tonight. I really liked it. The plot was pretty simple, and some of the humor very stupid, but I enjoyed it none the less. I laughed pretty hard at times too, and that was the point of seeing it - distraction and stress relief. At the end, my brother turned to me and said "That's ninety minutes of my life I will never get back". He was glad that I enjoyed it though, and that was the whole point of going with me =)

Before the movie, decked out in my new minion sweater. As ever, IV bag in tow. 

One weird thing that happened on the way home from the theater: I reached down to scratch my arm, over my sweater, felt my arm all lumpy underneath and completely forgot about the PICC line. It took me a moment to remember what all the bandages on my arm were.

See! The movie did distract me! I forgot I had a PICC line for an hour and a half XD

My Mum + Kindness

I wasn't feeling so hot last weekend. I was tired and stressed. The PICC line had been stitched to my skin to keep it in place, my arm itched and stung like crazy, and exams where looming ever closer.

My mum went out for a bit on the Saturday (Aug. 8) and came back with a lovely surprise for me: a goody bag full of craft supplies, projects, and booklets with cross stitch patterns. It was such a kind thing to do, and I still smile every time I walk past the goody bag. I just merged it with the bag of stuff and things to do (which you can read about here). I look forward to diving into some of the cross stitch projects before surgery.

Embroidery projects, with aida fabric, needles, and thread included.

Very sweet fairy alphabet pattern in the booklet on the left I want to make.

Coming back from Hamilton for good on Thursday morning, I found a surprise on my desk from my brother. He knows me well XD

And lastly, new blanket I bought while still in Hamilton. Monday after two exams and ER trip. It is the same material and brand as the one under it (red and white peaking in around  the edges of the photo), but about a quarter of the size. It rolls up super small, so I will take it with me to the hospital when I have surgery. Its all about comfort and being good to yourself. God only knows the last few weeks have been hard enough as is. The least I can do is be kind to myself.

My family has been amazing throughout this experience. I don't think that I could do any of it without them. They support and encourage me, put up with my nervous bantering, bad moods, and are always there for me when I need a good cry or someone to vent to. And the extra little things like playmobil and crafting supplies that cheer me up. I am a very lucky and fortunate person.