It is gray and drizzly outside - my kind of day. Yesterday it was nineteen degrees out. I didn't need a winter coat and it was lovely to feel a warm breeze on my toes. This is one of the perks of external fixators - everyone else is still in their winter boots, but my toes were free! I love these early spring days, the smell of damp earth, especially when it is overcast and rainy. I long to walk on the wet pavement, raincoat on and umbrella in hand. One day, one day it will happen.
I sat down at my piano for twenty minutes or so this afternoon, something which I haven't done in months. I miss playing - it feels like music coming from my fingertips. And there is something about those cool ivory keys under my fingers. I can touch them so gently, yet they still make a sound. Sitting at my piano felt natural. I had forgotten that feeling; it was like returning to an old but trusted friend. I should make an effort to play more when my leg doesn't hurt anymore. The only weird or awkward part of the experience was using the pedal. Pressing my foot down on the pedal brought on a pretty odd sensation because I still can't really feel my big toe. The numbness is still lingering in my heel as well. Hopefully my surgeon thinks it is safe enough to remove the splinter of bone sticking into the back on my leg. We suspect that it is pressing on a big nerve and that is what is causing the numbness.
My home nurse came this afternoon. I always have a good chat and laugh with her. She is a bit younger than some of the other nurses I have had, which I think helps. I can imagine that they don't see many young people as patients though. She is surprised that my surgery is booked as a same day procedure. We will see what happens tomorrow. I have always woken up pretty badly from surgery, so I will pack an overnight bag just in case. We did have a really hard laugh about something. I have been having some problems because of all the pain medication I am on. Because I have to keep taking them (can't obviously stop when you have metal drilled down into your bone!), nothing I try to resolve this is a permanents fix - only temporary. My home nurse suggested prunes. Mum and I bought some at the super market the other day, but they were the kind you have to soak in water to eat first. They were disgusting and stringy and looked like my foot after it came out of my last cast in October with different layers of stuff flaking off. Anyways, my home nurse asked about this particular problem so I told her everything that I was taking for it but that it was still an ongoing problem. And then I proudly exclaimed "I did try the prunes! But they were horrible, and they did nothing. Nothing at all!" And then we both burst out laughing. XD Apparently she meant the soft sweet ones you can eat without soaking first. I will have to track some down after surgery.
As you know if you follow this blog, I am having surgery tomorrow morning. I never thought that I would have surgery and wake up with a fixator still attached to my leg. I think of everything that has happened over the last week (x-rays, bad news, pain/pressure in leg), and this is the worst part. I can't seem to wrap my head around it. I know that the fixator will still be on when I wake up after surgery, but this little part of me, the part that is wishful and hopeful, says it won't. Perhaps that is just my body's way of saying enough is enough; I want to get on with my life. But it is what it is. Nothing I do or hope for will change that. For now, the most important thing is getting the feeling back in my toe and heel and saving the bone transport. The last thing we would want is to have to start all over.
Time to try on my new earrings, I think. I need a good distraction. Maybe sit at the window and watch the rain some more (fantasize about jumping in a puddle!) or play piano.
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