Super Nurse? Not So Much

I didn't think I could be this tired after work. Being an actual nurse is not like being a student doing his or her final clinical placement, following the full-time schedule of an RN or RPN. This is not what I thought it would be.

When I was a student, I couldn't wait to be a nurse with her own patient load to take care of. I thought about hanging IV meds, having adequate time for all of my patients, and getting all of my charting done in good time. I thought I would be a super nurse! In reality, I'm stressed out, run off my feet, and barely have any time to spend with my patients beyond providing the absolutely necessary care - giving medication, providing wound care, making sure hygiene needs are met, and any other specific tests a physician may order. The end of each shift is a mad dash to get everything done before I have to give report to the oncoming nurse.

I look at the nursing students who have just started on our unit and remember how I felt when I was a student last spring - how excited I was to finally be done my course work and on a unit more than once a week. I see the students and how excited they are to access the med cart or hang IV fluids. I don't mean to disregard their experiences (which were my own last spring), but now I feel the full weight of the responsibilities of a nurse. I don't have a preceptor who does all the thinking and tells me what to do; I don't have someone who picks up the slack when I am struggling. I have to juggle everything that's going on; it's a lot of responsibility. It's my license on the line and I desperately want to do what is right and best for my patients. It's rewarding, but also incredibly exhausting at the same time.

On top of it all, the unit I am on is incredibly demanding. It is a mix of oncology, palliative care, and medicine patients - these patients have complex medical problems and lots of medical needs. One patient today had six different IV solutions to be started at different times during the day shift, a PICC line dressing change, and a colostomy bag on top of her oral medication and injections. Another patient in palliative care is on supplemental oxygen and gets short of breath as soon as he takes it off, had seven injections, three rounds of a specific IV medication, and a bunch of other medication. Just remembering when to give what, when to start/stop each infusion, and to deal with beeping IV pumps between those two patients was a juggling act. Add to that the three other patients I had, along with the discharge and new admission... It's hectic.

And on top of all that - I'm walking on a broken leg held together with a giant metal rod and a fibula that is bending under my weight. Nursing is hectic and my leg adds a whole other level of exhaustion to it. I find myself limping down the hallway, IV bag or syringe in hand, a patient expecting wound care or pain medication, thinking "How can I do this? What have I gotten myself into?" 

Being a new nurse if overwhelming. By the end of the day, I am barely processing what people are telling me anymore. I'm happy to go home, to shower, and to curl up in my warm little bed again for the night. Everyone on the unit keeps telling me that it will get better with time. It will. It's just that it will take time and that is frustrating - I want to be super nurse now. It's really surreal looking at the students completing their final clinical placements. They want nothing more than to be nurses, and I want nothing more to be a student again. I just have to give it time.

Here are some pictures of my at the end of my shifts. On days that I have to work, I get up at 5:15 in the morning. The pictures are taken around seven pm, about fourteen hours after I get up, when my shift ends By that time I feel like I've run a marathon. I also barely feel human anymore. My only goal is to get the last medications administered, the last IV bag hung, and my charting done so that I can go home.

Me after my third shift.

And my fourth (today).

I'm so exhausted. One more day shift to go. After that I have a few days off followed by two night shifts And then I have about a week off. Thank goodness! I think I'm going to hibernate! Now I'm off to bed.

Oh! I should note that part of why I am so tired is not only just because I am new at being a nurse with a full patient load. I also worked Tuesday, Wednesday, had only Thursday off, worked Friday, Saturday, and will work again tomorrow. I'm working 60 hours in six days. The parson training me (now stepping back and letting me do all the work) only works 48 in the same time frame. She's not exhausted yet. That extra day off that she had really helps.