Red spot and an itch

I had some bone pain this morning/early afternoon. Not severe, but there none the less. It went away went away by the time I got to my father's house (about 4:15) for dinner. I got back to my place in Hamilton just after 8. While I was putting my new book case together my shin started to itch a bit. I ignored it, finished building the bookcase, put away all my clean laundry, groceries, and textbooks, and went for a walk around the hospital/campus. As usual, it was lovely - a stolen moment - walking in the cool, misty air, all alone. My leg felt a bit odd but I chose to ignore it. I got home just before eleven and decided to shower - throughout my leg became more and more itchy. It is a horrible itch. Nothing makes it bearable. At times it feels unbearable. There is also now a small red spot, almost on top of the scar left by a previous abscess on my shin. I will wait to see what happens until the morning. I am not sure if I will call my surgeon or infectious disease specialist about it - not much they can do anyways, since I am already on antibiotics. I took pictures to document it show I can show my doctors the next time I see them.

I want to be beyond the point of caring. I feel I am on the verge, but at the end of the day I can't cross that line - there is no other choice than to keep hoping that this can be fixed.

I have been talking about my options with my mum. She suggested I write out the pros and cons of having surgery/not having surgery to help make up mind or, at least, to see all the factors together instead of independently. I will try to do that after classes end for the day tomorrow afternoon.

All I want for tonight is for the itch to go away. I don't know how to describe it - it is intense, from deep inside. I swear it will drive me mad one of these days.

Day thirteen

I am still not ready to talk about yesterday. Over the last twenty-four hours I have been turning the pros and cons of all of my options round and round my head, but I still have no idea what to do... =(
Above anything else, I feel deflated and defeated, like an empty balloon - all of air rushed out of me. I think for the first time, I truly believe that I might not be able to get rid of this infection. That makes me incredibly sad.

Aside from the bone infection fiasco, mum and I had a lovely day today. In the morning we went to a rummage sale as West Minster Church, where I got several lovely towels. They are white with soft pink flowers on them -  a dated look. Best of all, they are brand new! Then we drove around the city to several yard sale. Mum got an adorable terracotta hen for the yard. Then we went home for tea and breakfast, followed by a leisurely drive to Niagara-on-the-Lake. I bought a hat at one of the stores, and it came in a hat box! I have always wanted to have a hat box!!! I felt quite fancy walking down main street with it. it is wicker and warm yellow fabric, like the sun. It will do well keeping me from burning this summer due to doxycycline. In the afternoon I began working on course content for the new semester, and then slept from about four to nine thirty. I was freezing cold and too tired to stay up. I am not just finishing a cup of tea and a last load of laundry. Tomorrow I go grocery shopping, finish packing my clothes and toiletries, and then move back to Hamilton.