I haven't posted in over a week. I wish there was something to blog about, but my days are all pretty much the same. From the moment I wake up and realize that I still need my crutches, followed by endless hours of sitting on my butt, to the time I go to bed, nothing really significant happens. I have been using my time to work on my cross stitch blanket (I promise I will post about that soon), purge my book case and binge watch all the Walking Dead episodes for what must be the fifth or sixth time since the last surgery.
Yesterday morning I had a rather disappointing appointment with infectious disease. Medically speaking things are going well, but the appointment was not what mum and I were hoping for. What with the ex fix surgery coming up next week we were hoping for some advice on things and a bit of reassurance. Instead we got a medical student who, in her own words, has never had a patient with an external fixator before. It was also clear that she had not read my medical file as she had no clue I had surgery to remove 2.5 inches of my tibia or that I am having surgery next week or that I have been dealing with this for almost a decade. So not only did she have no clue why I was there or what my medical history was but even if she wanted to she couldn't have helped me because she has absolutely no experience with external fixators. None, zilch, zero, a bit fat 0. I was not impressed. Eventually my actual doctor was pulled into the conversation, but at that point I was pretty unhappy. I have another appointment with infectious disease in about seven weeks and I am hoping the student doctor will no longer be there. On a bright note, mum and I stopped at Ikea to eat on the way home, which was pretty fun, and then we took the scenic route along the Niagara Escarpment home.
Today I slept late (I do most days). I have a stuffy nose and scratchy throat. Serves me right for going out in public! Totally worth it though. Late afternoon mum and I drove to Niagara on the Lake and along the Parkway before going to an antique shop and the book store. Because the one thing you need to do after your purge your bookcase is to buy more books...
This weekend looks promising. Mum and I are trying to make the last few days before surgery special. God only knows the months following won't be fun at all. On Saturday we are going to a Christmas craft show, Sunday should be a trip to Dundurn Castle, and then getting out Christmas tree on Monday and decorating it on Tuesday. I am also hoping to have a friend over in the next few days.
And then Wednesday... it will be here before I know it. I am scared and nervous and have no clue what to expect with the external fixator. I do know that what awaits includes a lots of pain and narcotics. Tensions are running high in this house and it is clear everyone is anxious and feeling on edge. Quite honestly, there are moments when I just feel like bursting into tears. I know that it will be worth it in the end and that I will get through this. Life goes on even if things are unpleasant. This too shall pass. But it is hard none the less. I guess that is what being brave is - doing the things we have to even though they are hard or scare us. One day I will look back and be glad I did it. As my mum says, "It's not like you can stay on crutches forever". I can't wait for the day I can walk again, and I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
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