A year ago today

A year ago today I had an MRI scan to see what was going on in my leg.

A year ago today, I sat nervous in a waiting room waiting for my name to be called and to be ushered through a set of giant doors.

I crammed my backpack and clothing into a ridiculously tiny locker and changed into a pair of pajama pants, a t shirt (sans bra) and sweater so I could be comfortable and metal free during the scan.

I lay down nervously on the cold hard adjustable table that would slowly slide me into the MRI machine.

I remember how uncomfortable my hips felt not far into the scan, how my toes slowly went numb.

I remember being told that I didn't need an IV like I had for MRIs in the past because my scan didn't require a dye injection. Half way through the scan a woman came in and said this needed to be done anyways. The staff outside the room had been comparing the current MRI to the one I had in fall 2012, and the scan in progress showed that there had only been minimal healing in the previous three years.

I remember lying there, all alone after the woman left and the scan resumed, thinking "I can't do this again. I can't fight the infection a second time". I felt so helpless, lost.

And here we are, a whole year later. Neither plus nor minus a day. So much has happened during that year. So much worry and fear. So many appointments, blood work, scans. One blissful weekend soaking up good news suggesting the bone infection hadn't returned which turned out not to be true. Night sweats, exhaustion, bone pain, sores on my shin. Multiple oral antibiotics, almost nine months' worth. Two PICC lines. Eight week of IV vancomycin. Surgery in August to cut out an entire chunk of bone. Finding out I needed an external fixator instead of a bone graft. Three months spent on crutches while we waited to see if the infection would come back. Major surgery in November. And now an external fixator.

When I think about it, life is absurd. That is what my mum always says. This year had been so far from normal, and yet it had become normal. How strange.

Without a doubt, the last year has been a busy year. A hectic year with many ups and downs.
I hope next year is better.
A year from now, I want to remember growing bone and learning to walk again.
This will all be worth it when I am on my own two feet, back in nursing school and doing normal things.