Yes, you read that right. I went to the mall a mere ten days after getting an external fixator. I can only credit this speedy "recovery" to the surgery I had in August and the three months I spent on crutches while I waited for the ex fix surgery. Plus all the experience I have gained about surgery and living with a gimped out right leg over the past decade. I put recovery in quotes because while I am up and moving, I will not see myself as fully recovered until I regrow my tibia and get the fixator off. Even then I will still needs loads of physiotherapy. But still! Things were looking a whole lot different ten days after the surgery in August. At that time I was still sleeping my days away in narcotic induced fog.
Don't get me wrong. Things are not entirely rosy around here. I was pretty exhausted today. I slept horribly, as I do every night because of the frame. I woke up just after nine to have my dressing changed by the home nurse only to curl up in my bed again until two thirty. I look exhuasted. And I still have pain and lots of discomfort (mostly in my knee).
It was lovely to be out around other people. My world is quite small at the moment - much smaller than before last week’s surgery. With the crutches I was pretty agile, going to the mall, Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ikea, etc., on foot. The walker greatly limits my ability to go very far, or fast... I was not expecting to get out of the house so soon after I was discharged from the hospital (other than doctor's appointments). So it was a lovely surprise to actually get out and be able to feel part of the hubbub that is the holiday season and enjoy the lights and decorations people have out up.
Mum accompanied me in my wheelchair and kindly pushed me around as wheeling myself was quite tiring. I was able to finish my Christmas shopping, got a book for myself, and a microsd card. Now I can transfer all the pictures I took with my phone while in the hospital to my computer and share them here. I used to selectively choose which ones to send via my phone. Doing this cost about a dollar per message, so I couldn't share too many pictures. But there's an end to that now!
Several miscellaneous things that happened today:
1. I realized I have been using my walker to hang my clothing when I change into my pajamas. This is a great way to keep things off the floor and reduce fall hazards.
2. While at the mall, I got a lot of stares and strange looks. To an extent this bothers me; I do not like attention and I hate being the are instead trying to comprehend what they are seeing. In the ten years that I have been going to various fracture clinics in hospitals, I have seen only seen two other people with external fixators. After Thursday's post-op appointment, I met an older woman who had just had her fixator removed. Plus me. So that makes four now. As much as fixators are quickly becoming normal in my world, they are not normal for other people, and ther are definitely extremely uncommon. So people stare, and they try to comprehend the pins sticking out of my skin and metal spanning the length of my lower leg. I can't blame them for this.
3. Regarding the fixator, I got several comment today from strangers. The first happened while my mum wheeled me through the parking lot to the grocery store. A man commented "That looks like it hurt!" as we passed him. Later, while In Wal-Mart, an elderly man walked up to me and said "I was just admiring the engineering of it". A moment later, the woman in line in front of us told me she hopes the frame works and things work out well. Other than comments, I get a lot of smiles. I don't want to be stared at; I don't always appreciate comments; sometimes I wish I could go about my business without all the attention my wheelchair/fixator/walker/crutches receive. I have, however, decided to accept all of these things as kindness. I can use all the kindness and love and empathy I get these days. And that means accepting people's comments and smiles. This goes hand in hand with the realization that most people stare simply because they don't understand. This mindset helps me see things in a positive light, which helps mitigate the stressfullness and scariness of the fixator and the current bonelessness of my tibia.
4. I am getting over my self-consciousness when I am in my wheelchair or out and about using my walker. People will stare and people will ask questions or make remarks. But it is okay just to go about my business and, for the most part, to ignore these things. I am not saying I will ignore a person who smiles at me or says something about my fixator, but I can go about whatever I am doing as if I am a regular person. Feeling regular helps me get through this and will ultimitaly help me return to normal life when all this is over. =)
No comments:
Post a Comment