Miserable Monday

Today has been a miserable day. I called my surgeon's office around ten this morning. The initial conversation went just as I expected but then I got lucky. My surgeon was actually on the other line with his assistant, so the assistant was able to put me on hold an relay the massage straight away and then get back to me with an answer within minutes. She told me that he said to just keep things as they were and to stop turning, which I had done the night before, and that he would see me at my appointment on Friday. It was a relief to get instructions from him on what to do so quickly, but yet again I find myself in that weird limbo of waiting and not knowing that I have found myself in all to often over the last half year.

Patience is running really thin these days. I am trying so hard to stay positive and upbeat, taking things a day at a time, but I am run down. I desperately want to get my life back. I should have finished my pre-grad clinical consolidation this month, be preparing for my certification exam and celebrating my successful completion of nursing school. Instead I am sitting at home with bent pins, missing part of my tibia and uncertainty about the future. My brother is house shopping - he is getting on with his life. He has a girlfriend, close group of friends, steady and well-paying job. He put an offer in for a house this morning. His life is going well. I should be happy for him, but all I feel is jealousy. That just makes feel even worse about everything.

My leg is achy today, which is probably a combination of where the pins are at the moment in relation to the muscles that run into my foot and the bent pins putting pressure on the immediate tissue around them. I have also been having a lot of nerves firing off in my foot. This is not the usual pins and needles, tingling like usual. No, this is sharp pain as if someone is actually jabbing you with a needle. If it continues I will ask my surgeon if we need to increase the amount of gabapentin that I am on. *sigh* Some days it feels like nothing is going right. It would help if I had a set date for the fixtor to come off, but that obviously doesn't exist.

Grumpy and unimpressed today.