Sunshine

Today was a good day. The sun was shining, it was warm outside (well, at least relatively speaking in when one considers that it is April, in Canada, where winter's icy fingers have yet to completely let go just yet), and the trees in the orchards are starting to bloom. My mum took me for a lovely drive in the country side today - it was like a sea of tiny little flowers. I learned that some trees blossom earlier than others based on their proximity to the lake - the cold water prevents the air from heating up quickly, so the trees near the water blossom later. It felt good to be outside - alive. It's like I was coming out from some sort of hibernation. I'm not trying to be over-dramatic when I say this. For most people, winter is just another season to live through - work and personal lives continues. But that hasn't been the case for me. The external fixator and all the surgeries, plus the dependence on crutches and often being either exhausted or in pain (or both at once!), have made it pretty difficult to venture out more than absolutely necessary (read doctor's appointments). It really does feel like I am coming back to life this spring. The fixator, of course, is still securely attached to my leg. That hasn't changed and likely won't for several more weeks. I can, however, feel the sun warming my face and watch nature continue round its annual cycle. That beats snowy, bleak dreary skies any day.

Despite all this, there is a feeling of futility, just the slightest bit. When all the surgeries began last summer, it was warm and sunny out. Likewise, it is warm and sunny out now and surgeries continue. I've gone through the last months of summer, followed by fall and then winter on crutches, only to start a fourth season (spring). Any longer and we will be a full year ahead. I desperately want to get my life back, to have a "normal" life. The sooner the fixator can feasibly come off (because we all know I've been dreaming of getting it off for months, even though I knew it wasn't a good idea), the better. I am ready to stick my toes in the sand and walk on the grass with my bare feet, to skip over the hot ground. I'm not at that point just yet.

But today was a good start. In addition to the blossoming trees and flowers everywhere, we saw quite a few animals - deer, cows, horses, chickens, sheep and two ducks that were getting it like, well, the birds and the bees. At one point we stopped to get gelato. Then it was off to the grocery store, only to finish off the trip with a visit to the bookstore where my favorite magazine was finally in stock! I look forward to reading in it a bit before bed. Or some Dickens. I have finally started reading something by Charles Dickens. It takes a good while to get through because it's hard to decipher everything but I am loving it (even if it's in increments of ten pages). Oh, and I have finished off the night by completing another little fairy on the final square of my cross stitch blanket. I am both relieved and sad to be at the end of the project, but definitely proud. I have put in about five-hundred hours so far, with a mere twenty estimated to go. It should hopefully be finished within the week XD After that I will still have about four months before school starts, so I am sure I will get to stitching something else. I already have a few other projects I am eyeing. Projects that will, understandably, take less time. One is about one-hundred twenty and the other is fifty. After that, I mainly have small stuff that can be completed in ten to thirty hours.

In other news, this is a busy week for me. Tomorrow afternoon I am going on my second date! I don't have a lot of experience dating, so I wasn't sure what to expect after the first date. I thought that the guy would wait a day or two before calling or texting me, but he texted the same night asking if I wanted to go out again. I assume that this is a really good sign. I obviously don't know what the future holds, but I am excited to see where things go =) It's a bit hard to find stuff to do at the moment because of my leg, so we decided to go watch movies at his place. This evening I baked brownies to take along. And when I say bake, you should read "got a box of powdery stuff at the store, added eggs, vegetable oil and water, put in the oven in order to pretend that I am baking". On Tuesday morning I have an appointment with my infectious disease specialist. I haven't seen here in almost four months, so I pretty sure see will order blood work. This is the doctor with the student I really don't like (the one who has now experience with either external fixators or bone infections and never reads my file), so we will see how it goes. I get a pass this Thursday for physiotherapy - there isn't much else we can do at the moment anyways. I also don't see my home nurse until next week Thursday, so Thursday is all mine. But on Friday I go to the fracture clinic at the hospital in Hamilton to see my orthopedic surgeon. I'm a bit nervous for that. I suspect that I will be told to come back in two more weeks, but I hope I am wrong and that my surgeon decides that the fixator is ready to come off.

And that's it for now. I know that this post wasn't like the usual ones - talking about my leg itself or how I am feeling about my leg - but I needed something normal to write about. The days, admittedly, are getting harder. My mum feels it too. It feels like we have been doing this forever. We have used up our energy, patience, reserves, and now we are spent. Alas, such is the nature of chronic medical issues. But the awareness of that nature does not make it any less difficult. So for now I am clinging to anything that can give me a sense of healthy and normal. As always, I am still smiling. =)