Validation

Today was not a good day. I was tired and grumpy. No, I was miserable. That's one step up from grumpy. I don't have miserable days very often, but I think that I deserved it. Everyone keeps telling me how close I am getting to the end of this, as if the fixator coming of is some sort of light at the end of the tunnel, then like will get back to normal and be all rosey again. Don't get me wrong when I say this, because getting the fixator off will be a big milestone, but everything will not all of a sudden be sunshine and daisies after that. There will still be month of physiotherapy and learning to walk properly again. I will still be using crutches or a cane for a while. It will be another four months before I move back out and pick up where I left off at school last August. The prospect of four months of physio and the isolation that will continue into that time are not small matters. And in the the scheme of things, four monts is a long time... it's half of the eight months I have done so far and while half of the time that's already passed it's not exactly a matter of days either. It's easy for everyone to tell me that the light is at the end of the tunnel, but they haven't been through everything I have. My surgeon han't had to give up a year of is career. My mum and my friends haven't had to sit at home for eight months and coutning with only minimal contact with the outside world - they could go to school or meetings, to the mall or on a walk or out to meet friends. They haven't been the one's with the giant blue tube screwed into their bones for the last five months. Neither is it one of their legs that had been cut open numerous times or one of their bones that needs to regrow and solidify. It's easy for them to tell me to cheer up when I have a bad day or voice my frustration at the entire situation - they can walk away fromthe situation, both literally and physically. Pun intended. I can't. I don't need somebody to tell me that things will be all better soon. What I need is somebody to validate my feelings. I don't think that is so wrong to want...

on a bit of a brighter note, I spent the day cross stitching tiny bird hourses and birds on my cross stitch blanket. I am finally working on the final square. The goal is to have it done by the time I see my surgeon next week Friday. Well, the actual goal is to have it done by the time the fixator comes off - it doesn't seem right finishing it after - but I am hoping for next week Friday because that is the last fixed date I have for sure with the fixator on. in all likelihood it will still be on a few more weeks after that, but I don't want to be caught of gaurd with another forty hours of work to do with the ex fix set for being removed within half a week. So next week Friday is my goal. It is something bright an positive to keep me distracted. And who couldn't be happy cross stitching tiny birds and their homes?