Almost made a decision

I went out with my mum this afternoon - we drove to Niagara-on-the-Lake to see the orchards blossoming. It never gets old. Every summer it is is refreshing and magically as ever. To think that a month ago we had the last trails of snow, and now there is a sea of white snowy petals!

As expected, my face and upper chest/neck did burn. I am not sure if it is a real sunburn. I seem to get very red for a while but then it fade. Still noticeable but definitely not as bad as real sunburn. My leg continues to hurt off and on. For several hours this afternoon it felt like something was squeezing the inside of my leg very hard. There was also some stinging in one particular spot, which is known for causing problems/sinus tracts/whatever we call them at this point, over my shin, so I hope nothing comes of it. No pain this evening though, which was a nice change, I hope it stay that way tonight, as it hurt quite badly while I was trying to sleep last night. The pain always seems to be worse at night.

I am learning to be more assertive (something I have always found difficult to do). While at clinical/in school I feel like I have some authority, since I am learning skills most people don't have, I find it easy to make decisions and be assertive. I am trying to be like that when outside of school as well. I have always been afraid of hurting other people's feelings, being perceived as bossy, or making other people feel uncomfortable. I am learning, however, that it is time to stand up form and have the guts to say when I want something.

Saying what I want is important when it comes to the bone infection. I don't want to be a burden to anyone or cause any inconvenience, but at the end of the day I need to get things sorted out so that I can continue with my life without the bone infection always being at the back of my mind, popping up right when life starts gaining speed again. At the moment I am kind of at a crossroad and the decision of which way to go is up to me. I will update on the situation tomorrow (what happened May 1 when I saw my orthopedic surgeon). Deep down I know what I really want and what I think is best for me, not just physically but emotionally. Having this infection is wearing me down mentally and I really want a break from it... something that just isn't there to take at the moment. What happens when I stop the antibiotics three weeks will guide me in making a definite decision. Just a little more patience! Something I used to have so much of but now seems rare and short lived.