Unfortunately, I didn't feel any better today. I woke up soaking wet due to night sweats three times last night! Not once, which is usually the case; not twice, as occasionally happens; but three times! After the third time I was too tired to care and rolled right back over instead of finding clean dry pajamas. My right leg hurt on and off again throughout the day. A lot of sharp, stinging pain that felt very deep in my leg. While I have been having pain in my leg since last year, the pain I am having now is definitely very similar to that I was having way back in 2012 before surgery. My mum asked me how the pain was - I had to think about that for a moment. It hurts almost everyday (not major 5 or more on a scale from 0 to 10, but hurting all the same). The pain has become so common place that I don't even tell her most of the time that it hurts anymore... I think by not telling her it hurts that it actually might think that it doesn't hurt. Its just that If I told her every time it hurt that I would be telling her all day everyday. She gets bored of it. I get bored of it. It is now common place and an established part of my life. It makes me sad to think that this it the case. She hopes the world for me, and the last thing she would want is for me to have pain. So often has she told me that she would take it from me if she could =( I am so fortunate to have her as my mum, always standing by me, there for support and going not only through the fun things in life but also the hard, unpleasant things.
There was also a tiny bit of pus on that spot on my lower shin again - never enough to be really concerning, but there all the same. I should really call my infectious disease specialist, but I won't. I am over this. I want to stick my head in a big bucket of sand and not come out for a while. It has done this countless times before. I know how this works.
Mum and I talked a bit about the surgery I hope to have end August/Early September and the panicky moments I get about it sometimes. I am really scared of the process leading up to the bone graft in the second surgery. .I mentioned my fear that the infection could come back after the bone graft. Mum asked me what I would do then. I said. "If it happens, that is it, not more surgeries, I will live with it." The bone graft process is going to be long, painful, and exhausting, not to mention an emotional roller coaster and ultimate test in patience. I don't think I would have anymore fight left in me after that. But we are not there now. We are counting on the bone graft working! Positive thoughts!
On the bright side of today, mum and I got my grocery shopping done today, this time for two weeks since I won't be coming home next weekend (big pathology/physiology/pharmacology test on the 25th. I study better in Hamilton, so I will stay there through the weekend. I also bought a fan for when it gets really hot (new place doesn't have air conditioning - fan is a students right of passage!). Mum then dropped me off so I could get some sort errands done (e.g., but birthday card, decorations, school supplies, etc.) I was wiped by the time I got home but it was worth it! Even remembered to wear sunscreen today, although I still burnt a little bit.
Tomorrow is my mum's birthday. I decorated the kitchen (like our common space) after she went to bed. Despite some very deep pain on the left upper side of my shin, it was very enjoyable! I hope it will be a fun birthday surprise, as I have never decorated for her before! Despite efforts to make a big deal of her birthday, my mum usually like to keep the day pretty low key. She makes it impossible to get her gifts too! She said she is just very happy to have both my brother and I home tomorrow. If it wasn't for the Victoria Day long weekend I would have been back in Hamilton already. We don't have many relatives, so I am extra glad to spend the day with her and only go back to Hamilton in the evening.
 |
| I found the butterflies at the Dollarama (pack of 6 for 1.25) and the pretty gift box ad Dollar tree for 1.25. I embroidered the bumble bee and bird tags my self. There are some small gifts and an embroidered card in the box. My mum is really getting into gardening. For weeks I have been asking her is she would like gardening tools for her birthday. She thought that was a great idea, but then went ahead and bought them herself! So I am giving her some money to cover some of the tools. |
 |
| About the kitchen table. The banner was much larger than expected, so couldn't fit over the table. |
 |
| Entrance to the kitchen - first thing she sees when she goes to make her coffee! |
 |
| Other door to the kitchen... not escape from the streamers! |
 |
| Above her favorite chair in the living room! |
No comments:
Post a Comment