Saturday, May 16, 2015

Balancing Act

I found it, quite naturally I think, quite difficult to decide between having surgery and letting things be for a while. Several weeks ago my mum suggested that I make a list of all the pros and cons of haveing surgery. This is the list that I came up with:

Pros
- no bone pain
- no  night sweats
- no flare ups, with swelling, itching, sores, drainage, etc.
- no antibiotics, which is healthier for my body and means no bothersome side effects like photosensitivity, headaches, or somtch upset.
- I will be able to stand for long periods of time - go nursing career!
- There won't be any appointmnets and scans to worry about, which means living like without scanxiety or worrying about what my doctors wills say.
- I can plan for my future without having to think about how the bone infection could interfer. The unpredicatablility of the infection is incvoneinet and hard to deal with E.g., Tuesday I had horrible pain where as on Wednesday I took two walks, one of an hour and another of two hours, and had no pain at all, and then Thursday when I walked a bit and had a little bit of pain.
- If the infection is gone, I won't have to worry about it pissibly becoming worse in the future
- Care free
- 90% + success rate
Can start looking for a job after graduation/passing certification exam without have to consider needing surgery later on
-school will likely allow me to take the time off and then stream back into the program (high grades help with this!)

Cons
- surgery will cause pain
- PICC line for several months
- Scar on shin may become bigger or look worse
- might not get all the feeling back on my shin (one spot never regained feeling after surgery number three)
- scar on hip from harvesting the bone graft
two semesters off of school/ graduating eight months later than expected
- Cannot graduate with friends/clinical group
- 10% chance surgery doesn't go right - issues with bone graft, new infections
- bone infection could, potentially, still come back after the surgeries/treatment
- strain on family (would be the same if I would have surgery in several year - move back home or use up lots of saving on rent when unable to work).
- mind numbing boredom between surgeries and while I recover from the bone graft.

What I concluded after making the list, was that most of the pros involved positive, long term things, while the cons included a lot of things that are negative  (e.g., pain, PICC line, time off from school) or undesirable, but ultimately short term.

Yes, pain and surgery are not fun and, quite frankly, scary, but so is living with the bone infection and the pain that it causes for the next, what, 5, 10, 20 or more plus year!

Don't get me wrong, I am really really really nervous. The surgeries are still scary and a bit risky, but I think that the potential (and likely) outcomes are far greater than the risks.

Now I just hope it is still on the option when I see my orthopedic surgeon in two weeks! I haven't heard back from infectious disease yet. Not sure if I should call her. Leg stills stings a bit, and drainy spots are still there. Actually a very tiny bit of puss this morning, but since it looks better in general I might just leave it as is. Nothing bad can happen anyways, since I am still on the Doxycyclin (only twelve more days!).

I am so fortunate that my mother will support me no matter what I choose regarding surgery. I hope she knows how incredibly much I appreciate it. There is nothing I can do to truly show how much it means to me that she has gone with my through all this! 

On a side note, mum and I made a late night dash to the grocery store at eleven o clock. This is something we do maybe once a year. We got tiny tubs of rolo ice cream and black forest cake... delicious!
Mmm! Cake! 
Still very happy with the hair cut, although I didn't use anything in it today. I usually don't, but I really liked what the hair dresser did with it yesterday evening. I look tired again. I slept for 13 hours and felt pretty yucky/tried the first few after I woke up. Then I got about seven hours of pathphysiology done and felt pretty good. Still tired, but good.






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