Forbidden moment

Still tired today, but less so than yesterday. The pain in my leg has subsided a bit. It is not longer a strong stabbing/stinging pain but the typical dull aching "feels like something is taking a bite out of the back of my leg pain" that I have come to associate the most with the bone infection.

I didn't eat enough (I thought I had!) when I took my dose of Doxycycline tonight. I felt find at first so decided to go on a walk around the hospital/campus. It is magical there ate night - trees half in bloom, illuminated by the yellow lights places strategically along the pathways, making the bright green blossoms look like tiny stars clinging around the tree trunk. I saw three deer at the edge of campus, near one of the sports fields. I was able to inch quite close before they truly noticed me and slowly walked away. It felt like all the world was sleeping, tucked away inside for the night, and I was standing there in the peaceful, dark, calm, quiet, seeing something I normally don't - a forbidden moment. Surrounded by life and living and something science and all my education cannot explain. Walking at night not only lets me avoid sunburn from the Doxy, but stills my mind a bit, as if the bone infection doesn't matter in that moment I am walking. I also saw a racoon climb up a tree. I saw one last night as well. About the time I saw the raccoon, half way round campus, I started to feel ill - chills and nausea. I walked a little further, back to the hospital, but then had to sit down for a bit to wait for the nausea to subside. I sat and thought for a while - the irony of being a student and a patient on the same campus. How do I define myself? I feel like the relapse has made my who world about the bone infection. It is hard to put it on the back burner and continue on with life. The pain might not usually be severe, but it is there every day. How do you live with the constant reminder that something is there, is wrong, even though it is not life or limb threatening? What if the infection decides to do something else? What if it becomes worse? I will have to wait and see what happens when I stop antibiotics in three weeks, I guess... 

School is also going well. Almost done this weeks course content, and should be able to being next weeks content tomorrow afternoon  - always trying to work a week ahead.